Sibling Estrangement: Why It Happens and How to Cope

By Catriona Standingford MBACP, MNCPS (Acc.)

Sibling estrangement is when brothers or sisters stop speaking, or keep only minimal contact, as adults. It often gets less attention than parent-child estrangement, but it can be just as painful, and in some ways harder to explain to others. Here I look at why it happens, how it differs, and what can help.

Key points

Sibling estrangement is common, and it can be just as painful as any other family estrangement.
It often grows out of childhood roles, parental favouritism, caring for ageing parents, inheritance or loyalty conflicts.
It’s often treated as a minor falling-out, which can leave you feeling unheard.
There’s no single right answer about contact, and counselling and therapy can help whatever your sibling chooses to do.

Why does sibling estrangement happen?

Sibling estrangement happens for many of the same reasons any close relationship breaks down, sometimes through a slow drift and sometimes through a deliberate step away. People often assume sibling relationships are automatic, built on shared history and therefore unbreakable. In practice, there’s no widely understood script for “my brother and I don’t speak”, and the loss can be just as significant as any other family estrangement.

Old childhood roles that never updated

Many siblings get stuck relating to each other as they did at ten or fifteen years old, as the responsible one, the difficult one or the invisible one, long after they grew up and those roles stopped fitting. It might be as small as a brother who still introduces you as “the baby” at every family gathering, even though you’re forty with children of your own. When one sibling grows and changes and the other keeps relating to an outdated version of them, resentment tends to build on both sides.

Parental favouritism, past or present

Perceived or real favouritism is one of the most common reasons for sibling difficulties, whether it happened in childhood or continues into adulthood through inheritance, caregiving expectations or attention. It doesn’t need to be a single dramatic event. Often a pattern of small, consistent imbalances is enough to create distance.

Caring for ageing or ill parents

The unequal share of caring for ageing parents is a frequent issue. One sibling often ends up carrying more of the practical or emotional load, and resentment can build quickly if that imbalance isn’t acknowledged.

Inheritance and money

Disputes over wills, property, or financial support given unevenly during a parent’s lifetime can permanently damage sibling relationships, particularly where the dispute brings up unresolved feelings about fairness from the past.

Diverging values or life paths

As adults, siblings sometimes grow into very different values, lifestyles or worldviews. Where one sibling feels judged or unable to be themselves around the other, distance can start to feel like the safer place.

Loyalty conflicts involving a parent

Sometimes sibling estrangement isn’t really about the siblings at all. It can be fallout from a parent-child estrangement, where one sibling stays close to the estranged parent and the other doesn’t, creating a conflict of loyalty that’s hard to manage without picking a side.

One sibling’s harmful behaviour

Where a sibling has been consistently unkind, manipulative or unsafe to be around, including behaviour connected to addiction or untreated mental illness, stepping back can be a form of self-protection rather than rejection.

How is sibling estrangement different from parent-child estrangement?

Sibling estrangement is often seen very differently to parent-child estrangement, and taken less seriously, both by society and by the people around you. Friends and even other family members can minimise it with comments like “you’ll sort it out eventually” or “it’s just a disagreement, you’ll get over it”.

There’s also less language for it. People know roughly what it means to have no contact with a parent, but “estranged from my sibling” often gets met with confusion. It’s often assumed to be a minor falling-out rather than a significant loss.

It’s also more common than many people realise. A large German study of 5,729 adults, published in 2022, found that 28% had at least one period of estrangement from a brother or sister over six years, meaning no contact, or very little contact and little emotional closeness.

Sibling estrangement can also resurface unexpectedly at life events such as weddings, the birth of a child, or a parent’s illness or death. These are the moments when the distance becomes more visible to everyone, and the feelings harder to avoid.

How can you cope with sibling estrangement?

Coping with sibling estrangement often starts with taking the loss seriously, even when the people around you don’t. These are some things you may find helpful.

Naming the loss, even without a clear “reason”

Some sibling estrangements have one identifiable cause, whereas many are the slow build-up of years of small distances. You don’t need a single clear explanation for the loss to be real and worth processing.

Separating the sibling relationship from the parent relationship

Where a sibling estrangement is tangled up with a parent estrangement or a family loyalty conflict, it can help to untangle the two. What do you actually think and feel about this sibling, separate from what’s happening with your parents or other family members?

Deciding what contact, if any, you want going forward

As with any estrangement, there’s no single right or wrong answer. Some sibling relationships repair once the underlying issue, such as a caring imbalance, an old resentment or a parent’s interference, is addressed directly. Others don’t, and building a life that doesn’t depend on that relationship being fixed is a valid and healthy way forward. If you’re weighing up whether to step back, you may find my post Should I Go ‘No Contact’ with a Family Member? helpful.

Getting support that doesn’t depend on your sibling

Reconciliation depends on someone else’s willingness to engage, and that’s outside your control. Counselling and therapy can be useful because it gives you a space to process the relationship and its loss on your own terms, whatever your sibling chooses to do.

How can counselling and therapy help with sibling estrangement?

Counselling and therapy can help by giving sibling estrangement the attention it deserves. It often gets pushed down the list, both by the person going through it and by the people around them, and assumed to matter less than other family losses. It does matter.

Counselling and therapy offers a safe and supportive space to take the relationship’s history and its ending seriously, to work through the grief, guilt and shame and any unresolved loyalty conflicts, and to get clear on what you want going forward, without pressure to reconcile or to cut off further. That’s true whether you’re the one who stepped away or the one who was stepped away from.

If you’d like to know more about how this works in practice, you can read what counselling and therapy for family estrangement actually looks like.

Frequently asked questions

Is it common to be estranged from a sibling?

Yes. A large German study found that 28% of adults had at least one period of estrangement from a sibling over six years, although it tends to be talked about less openly than parent-child estrangement.

Can sibling relationships repair after years of estrangement?

Often, yes, particularly where the original cause, such as caregiving strain, an inheritance dispute or an old resentment, is addressed directly and both people are willing to engage. Repair tends to go better when it’s approached gradually rather than all at once.

What if my sibling estrangement is really about our parents?

This is common, especially where one sibling stays close to a parent the other has stepped away from. It can help to work through the parent relationship and the sibling relationship separately, since they don’t have to resolve the same way.

Should I try to reconcile for the sake of family events like weddings or funerals?

Not necessarily. Reconciling under time pressure rarely resolves the underlying issue and can sometimes make things worse, so it’s usually better to address the relationship on its own timeline.

Finding support

If you’re dealing with distance from a brother or sister, recent or long-standing, whether you stepped back or they did, you don’t need to have any of it figured out before reaching out. I’m a trauma-informed counsellor offering online counselling for family estrangement and conflict, including with siblings, across the UK, and face to face in Chepstow, South East Wales.

You can check my registration on the BACP Register, and it’s always worth checking that whoever you see is registered.

If you’re in crisis, contact Samaritans any time on 116 123, or call 999 in an emergency.

Last updated 5 October 2026

Ready to talk?

If you’re dealing with distance from a sibling and want support making sense of it, I suggest we begin with a free 15 minute chat, so we can talk through how we could work together and how I can help. There’s no pressure to book anything afterwards.

Email me at cs@catrionastandingford.co.uk, send a WhatsApp or text message to 07564 069711, or use the form on my contact page. I see clients online and face to face in Chepstow.

Share this article:

Back to the Blog

My professional accreditations and credentials

Are you in an emergency?

Are you currently experiencing an emergency or major crisis? Are you considering serious self-harm? Please seek immediate help from your GP, visiting your nearest A&E or dialing 999.

If you would like to have someone listen to you, you can also contact the Samaritans immediately on 116 123. They are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.